i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
