the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
