Ambien. No doubt about it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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