So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
