The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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