I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
