Well apparently he's into motor boating.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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