I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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