i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
