It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
