Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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