I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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