Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
