i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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