God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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