I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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