I wish life had little blips of pornography
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
