I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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