i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
