How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
