Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
