im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
