You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
