so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize