Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
