dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
