Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He kissed a someone with a penis
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
