Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
