Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
