literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
