Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
honey bunches of taint.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
