pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize