is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
