I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
