Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Holy shit dude........stairs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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