So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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