sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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