I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
