He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
