This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
