sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize