Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
