is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize