we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
