I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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