I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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