he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
