bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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