stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize