cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
