I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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