I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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