I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I could fuck to npr.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
