my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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