Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize