so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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