It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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