I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
