remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize