she looked like the before picture.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
