I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
