I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
