I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
