She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
