my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize